My Son’s Deployment
My Son’s Deployment One of the most difficult struggles in life
for a parent is the struggle that occurs when the parent is
attempting to keep their child safe and the child is attempting
to explore the world and find their place in it, often times not
in the safest manner. A discussion of Inside Out cannot occur
without me sharing some of my own personal struggles with the
concept. Today is one of those days. I just learned that my
nineteen-year-old son received his deployment orders. He just
graduated from National Guard basic training last week and in
less than two months, his Guard unit is being deployed for six
months of training and then on to Iraq for a year. Anyway, my
son made a decision fairly early on that he wanted to join the
military. This was a surprise to me because I believed that,
generally, young men and women enter the military who have some
type of role model in the military. Since there was no one in my
or my husband’s family who was in the military, I believed my
children would not have the inclination for military service. My
son began talking about being a sniper for the Marines at around
the age of sixteen. Imagine my terror, thinking of him in
dangerous situations when I had spent all his life attempting to
keep him safe—mostly safe from himself as he has quite a
risk-taking personality. Being a good Inside Out mother, I knew
better than to try to talk him out of what he truly wanted, but
secretly I’d hoped that by the time he was old enough to join
the military, he would “come to his senses.” Now I’d like to say
here that I totally support our troops. I know there are brave
men and women putting their lives on the line for our safety and
the ideal of freedom around the world, but as most mothers can
relate, that’s OK for other children, just not mine! I’m well
aware of the selfishness of that position, but it is what it is.
Over time, my son and I had some discussions about his future
plans. He was raised in rural Pennsylvania and had been hunting
with his father from the time he was three. He has a natural
ability for marksmanship. He is incredibly courageous and loves
a good physical challenge. With all of these attributes, I know
he sounds like a poster boy for military service. Still, as his
mother, I’d hoped he would change his mind. I believe he made a
concession to me when, just prior to his eighteenth birthday, he
decided to join the National Guard, as opposed to the Marines.
Part of his reasoning was that he wanted money for college but
another part, in my opinion, was that he was just looking to
prove himself as a man. I breathed a small sigh of relief
thinking that he would be safer in the Guard. He would do his
weekend a month and two weeks in the summer and have to respond
to any situations in the US requiring armed service
intervention. Was I ever wrong—along came the war in Iraq. I
am not making any statements here about the efficacy of this
war. I do not know if we are there because of weapons of mass
destruction, terrorism or oil fields. I only know that our
county’s young service men and women are being forever changed
by their experiences there and I am afraid for my child. Today,
my son told me with trepidation that he received his orders and
will be leaving soon for eighteen months. He seems a little
apprehensive but also excited. This is what he’s been trained to
do. I am very proud of the young man that he has become but am
terrified of the possible ramifications. How can he come back
from there being the same person I know now, or worse, what if
he is wounded or killed over there? All of this is going through
my mind as I am writing but I know that I have to support him. I
don’t want him leaving, feeling that I am not behind him 110%.
What I truly want is for the war to be over, for this to be some
mistake, for his unit to get stateside deployment, anything but
for my child to be sent to Iraq as an infantryman on the front
lines of the fighting. However, using Inside Out thinking, I
have to first ask, what is within my power and control? I am not
going to change the fact that my son is going to Iraq. Even if
it were within my power to do so, he would not want to ignore
his duty. So, the only thing left on which to focus is how I can
be the person I want to be in this situation that I can’t
control or change. What are my priorities? My first priority is
to let my son know how very proud of him I am and that I support
his decisions. After all, it is his life to do with as he sees
fit. I did my part by keeping him safe these 19 years. Now, it
is his turn to decide how he will live and I want to support the
man he has become. Secondly, I don’t want him to be worrying
about how I am managing while he is away. And finally, I want
him to know that I love him and will pray for his safety every
day. These are all things within my control. How will I do it? I
find that whenever I am facing a particularly difficult
situation, I attempt to look for the positives in it. In this
situation there are many. My son is growing up and fighting for
something in which he believes. He is developing principles that
will guide his behaviors the rest of his life. His being in Iraq
may help to save the lives of others. It will truly test his
relationship with his girlfriend in determining whether or not
they are truly committed to each other. And when I let myself
think of the worst case scenario, which is him being killed
there, I have come to remind myself that he will have died doing
something he really wanted to do as opposed to living a long,
unfulfilled life full of regret. If it comes down to it, will I
be able to maintain that posture and position? I don’t know, but
I do know that staying focused on Inside Out thinking will
assist me in managing both my worry and my grief, if necessary.
If you find yourself in a similar situation and are looking for
ways to stay sane or just the support of others going through
the same thing, visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check
our calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops.
